One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.
So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.
So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"
Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Get Away From My Deer!
It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, What are you up to? Alice smiles, I'm going hunting with you! Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along.
They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot. Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer.
But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, Get away from my deer! Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, Get away from my deer! followed by another volley of gunfire.
Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!
They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot. Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer.
But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, Get away from my deer! Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, Get away from my deer! followed by another volley of gunfire.
Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!
Drunk Man and Blonde
After a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says, "You wanna hear a blonde joke?" The person replies, "I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My friend is 190 pounds, world judo champion and is a natural blonde. And my other friend is 200 pounds, world arm wrestling champion and is also a natural blonde. Do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?" The man thinks for a while and replies, "Not if I have to explain it three times."
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